by Dennis Prager*
Women, huh? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Those broads are kee-RAY-zee, and that's a fact.
I mean, seriously, with their emotions and stuff. What? Really. Dude, really. What's up? It's like you can't even talk about how they're genetically inferior to men like Lawrence Summers didn't really try to do, but that liberal women totally hated him for. They're nutty, they are. Especially those women profs. Man are they douchey. They were all liberal and stuff, trying to tell me to feel sorry about some culture or other. Never telling me to feel sorry about white men in the United States of America. I think my point is made.
And what ever happened to all those tough, manly he-men? Well, I'll tell you--they got feminized by all those nutty women with their silly virtues of compassion and concern for others. It almost crowds out the animalistic killing instinct--you know, that those tough and feisty men over on Wall Street have. I mean, most men oppose the Iraq War now. What is the matter with them? I mean, men should be ultra-aggressive and heedlessly risk-taking, right? None of this "concern for others" crap that the left thinks is so damned important. Well, what about Iraq, sir? What about Reagan? He won the damn Cold War! That was a man for you--the only man that I've ever been attracted to. I'll admit it! Still, I would never marry him, though being roomies would be totally awesome. Oh, and if he were alive...that would be good, too.
So, like, I've seen all these women with antiwar bumper stickers, and I think that's no coincidence. To hell with all those paleocons like Daniel Larison--real men love George W. Bush and believe in his policy of preventive war against countries that don't pose a threat to us. In fact, those are the best countries to invade. After all, war is the only way to tell the real men from those who run away, and Bush did it so that it's no big deal to peoples' lives, like World War II. Damn socialist F.D.R., with his high taxes and, you know, winning wars! Liberals hate war, but we conservatives love it so much that we want it to go on forever, because it allows men to show how tough they are, and how they're different from women (and lets us know who the effete liberals are). I'm sure if Bush had actually gone to war in Vietnam, he would have been a hero on the front lines, charging up the trenches across No Man's Land, machine gun bullets howling past his ears. Bush was a man, he did us proud.
Now, look, I'm not saying that women are unequal. No, no, no. They're equal, but different. Separate, you might say. I just don't think they should be in the government or serve as jurors. All those damn emotions! So strong. I'm very pleased to tell you all that I've never let my emotions cloud my judgment. Not even once.
(*This isn't actually a serious piece, nor is it by Dennis Prager. Just so's that you know.)
